I was sitting in the office of Dr Gutierrez, the hospital shrink. He was a guy in his thirties. After the bodification op the docs thought I needed to see this guy. I don’t know why. I might be many things but I ain’t no psycho. I’ve known a few psychos in my time so I know what I’m talking about. I’m as sane as the next man. Saner even. Gooty would be better off treating the real psychos.
When I was recovering I had to get used to a whole new body. One day you’re a hamster and you’re small, furry with four legs. Then you wake up and you’re big, really big and you’re not hairy you are all smooth. You are six feet and two inches tall and you’ve got two legs instead of four. That makes it a bit difficult to walk. You’ve got arms instead of forelegs. For a hamster forelegs are important as they do a double duty. They can be like legs or they can be like arms. It all depends on how you want to use them. Now you haven’t got that flexibility anymore. I used to work hard at my forelegs as I knew how important they were for me. That’s why wheel work is so important. So now you have this big body. Everything is a lot bigger and I mean everything. You know what I’m talking about.
Gooty was putting in some jaw work.
“Harry, humans have these things called behavioural norms. A behavioural norm is the kind of thing that it is normal for a human being to do, what behaviour is appropriate for a human being. There are some behaviours that cause offence to other human beings and these are behaviours that we want to avoid. Do you understand what this means, Harry?”
Big hands. Big feet. Big legs. A big head that’s like a building away from the ground. I was recuperating, doing a bit of post-op exploration, saying hello to my new body. Wahaaaaaaayy……what’s this……forget the big head and the silly arms now we’re coming to the bonus………and it’s a big bonus, know what I mean and getting bigger every second. Take it out, shake it all about, shake it to the left….ugh, shake it to the right…..ugh, shake your baddy, shake it all night…..
You know when you’re a kid and you get a new toy. What do you want to do? You want to play with it straight away. I noticed a sign beside my bed:
RING THIS BELL IF YOU NEED A NURSE
I could just do with a nurse. GUYnacology had done a great topless nurse special last month. I pressed the bell. A couple of minutes to get everything warmed up properly. Then Sister Dolores came in.
“Hey sis – get a load of this.”
Gooty continued.
“Harry it is important when you leave the hospital that you have a good idea of what behaviours are appropriate and what are inappropriate. That way you can live as a normal member of society.”
“Sure Doc, I understand.”
“We don’t want a repeat of the Sister Dolores incident. If that kind of thing happens you could end up in trouble.”
“I get the picture. It was just a rush of blood to the head. It’s been a difficult time for me emotionally, adapting to my new body. I think I’m still in a kind of grieving process for my old body.”
I’d picked up some of the jargon from hanging around the office and I knew this was the kind of stuff that Gooty wanted to hear. He was on ok bloke. Anyway, there was no real problem. It was just a case of getting used to the new scenario. Harry had done all kinds of scenarios and this was just another one. Harry could deal with any scenario. There was a whole new world out there, a world just waiting for a six foot two inch blond Harry with the body of a god. If Harry blew them away as a hamster, what would it be like now?
House of Glass 