Harry Says Chapter 32: And Then There Were Two

The Corgi brothers were dead and the nation mourned.  In spite of Pendrivel trashing the X-Pets the British people had taken the Corgi brothers to their hearts.  Even Pendrivel had been careful not to say much against them.  They had played their part in The Big Night.  They deserved their cut of the stash.  I’d been in Club Magik when I heard the news.  I was sitting with Chris and the guys having a few junglefrenzies when my phone rang.  It was Big Cheese.

“Harry, can you come over to my place pronto, something’s up.”  I said goodbye to the guys and Chris and headed straight over.  I arrived at 6.15pm as Stace was about to read The News.  As usual, Cheese was sitting in front of his TVs and computer screens.  He seemed a bit agitated.  He occasionally bashed his tail against the sofa.  I helped myself to a junglefrenzy and sat on the chair opposite.

“So what’s up?” I said.

“The Corgi brothers are dead Harry.  Their bodies were found this afternoon by a woman out walking her dog.  They were found in Cubitt Park over in east London.  That’s all I know.”

“That’s terrible,” I said. 

“It’s tragic, Harry,” said Big Cheese, “they had their whole lives ahead of them.”

“I’m gutted,” I replied.

Big Cheese sat on the sofa for a while and said nothing.  I was quiet too, drinking my junglefrenzy.  Eventually Cheese spoke.

“Harry, I’m afraid it gets worse.  I’ve heard that the police have brought Will the Pit in as a suspect.”

“What do you mean?  Like he might have killed them?”

“Look Harry, we knew from the off that he didn’t like corgis.  And, I may be wrong about this of course, and in many ways I hope I am, but I seem to remember him making death threats against the Corgi brothers.  Maybe you can help me out here – you were there.” 

I kinda remembered it, but then Will was always making death threats against everybody.  It didn’t mean nuffin. He was a Pit Bull after all.

Big Cheese continued.  “It’s kind of coming back to me.  The corgi brothers, I’m going to kill them.  I seem to think that’s what he said.  Who knows, maybe he was planning to kill us too and keep the stash for himself.”

We heard later that Will the Pit had been arrested.  This prompted another article by Pendrivel about how dangerous X-Pets were.  Though he didn’t mention the Corgi brothers case he played on the sympathy there was for the Corgis.

“The GMA Act is going through parliament due to the courageous and clear-sighted sponsorship of Peter Harrison, one of few members of The House who puts the public interest before their own ambition. This Act is essential.  No longer will we see so-called X-Pets lording it over human beings, living in the lap of luxury while ordinary citizens struggle to make ends meet.  But it should not be thought that the GMA Act is motivated by vindictiveness.  There are deeper reasons why the Act is necessary.  Every society has certain core values.  Values that are, and must remain, non-negotiable.  Fundamental to our way of life is the division between animal and human.   The X-Pet phenomenon as it has developed in recent years represents an attack on the values of ordinary decent people. And then there have been recent incidents, outbreaks of violence directed against innocent victims.  No civilised society can tolerate this.  We must act now to deal with this problem or else store up trouble for the future. The GMA Act is a huge step in the right direction, despite the misguided voices raised against it.   I’ve always been able to see beyond the merely fashionable and I’ve never been afraid of being unpopular.  I’ve never been afraid to ask the questions that Britain needs the answers to.”

Eventually, after a long interrogation, Will the Pit confessed to the crime.  As Big Cheese was the spokesperson for the X-Pets he issued a statement. 

“It is with deep sorrow that I heard it confirmed that Will the Pit is guilty of the brutal killing of the Corgi brothers.  This is a double blow to the X-Pet community.  The Corgi brothers were much loved by the British public and were held in high esteem by their fellow X-Pets.  They will be sorely missed.  The circumstances of their deaths, the result of a brutal and pre-meditated attack, makes their passing even more painful for those who knew them.  Few X-pets have done as much to reassure the public that X-Pets can, and indeed must, make a positive contribution to society.  That two such fine X-Pets should be killed by a fellow X-Pet is indeed a regrettable tragedy.  Will the Pit we all knew and respected for the way he struggled against his violent and psychopathic tendencies, his genetic legacy, which no amount of genetic modification could change.  If ultimately he was unable to overcome these tendencies then that too is a tragedy.  But let us try to take something positive from this deeply regrettable incident.  Let us all learn from this and move forward together.  This is what the Corgi brothers would have wanted.  I realise that any statement is inadequate at this time when we are all united in grief.”

I was with Big Cheese when he was finishing the statement.  He read out the first version to me and asked what did I think.  I said I thought it was ok.  He thought for a while and then said would it be better to say at the start “with deep sorrow” instead of “with great regret”.  I said that I thought “with deep sorrow” sounded good.  Using the cut n paste facility Cheese made the change.  Then he said: “This should do the job.  I’ll get the press release ready.”

With the Corgi brothers, Bloodbath Henry and Will the Pit out of the picture there were now only two X-pets left to share the stash.  There used to be seven but now there was only me and Big Cheese.

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